He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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