my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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