I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
