the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
