The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
We need to rekindle our bromance
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
