her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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