I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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