Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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