we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
