Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
