i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She even gives head with a lisp.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
