i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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