i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
