She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Enjoy the penises
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
