I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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