I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
