can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
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Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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