Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
