Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
