I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
