My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
