i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
