it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize