she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
