I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is Oprah even human
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
