he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Farmville is her only friend.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
