So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize