she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
