I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
