The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
