is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
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Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
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I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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