it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
