I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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