My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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