i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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