i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
