i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
