I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Where did you get a picture of my penis
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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