how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
