Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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