fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
