I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
