Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
