I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
