Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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