I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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