You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Randomize
