We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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