apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo