I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.