as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
These 23 People Had Crazy Sex With Complete Strangers
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
23 Medical Examiners Reveal The Most Disturbing Causes Of Death They’ve Seen
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.