i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm home, then i'll come over
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots