You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore