I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
