before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize