cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
