Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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