woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
