I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
