A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
