help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
