You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
