remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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