I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
