A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
