I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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