I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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