I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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