a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
this boner is exhausting
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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