Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
