I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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