Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
