Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
