just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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