she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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