turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
