I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize