"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
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The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
tell me about the fingering
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