i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
