Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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