He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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