her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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