What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
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come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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