My friends, they love my intelligence
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
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i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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