after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
