Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
